Day 30-Christmas Reflections

Tonight Rah and I are sitting in the recliner, wrapped up in a blanket, with the fake fireplace going, cat on the lap, and Rah is munching on some much needed Doritos.  Jesse is plopped in the chair eating his favorite Sweet Chili Doritos which I might add are not too bad!  We are wrapping up tonight for yet another year and we find ourselves thinking back on the past 4 years of blogging.  We decided tonight that we would reflect back and share with you what we have learned through the course of our blog journey.  I think doing it like David Letterman's top 10 seems like a fun way to do it.

1. A 30 day commitment to writing is significant especially in the holidays.  
• As much as Rah and I have tried to only focus on one another, we recognize that this year we have a much smaller following than there has been in the past.  In a world where "likes" and numbers somehow make us feel as though we matter more, it is hard not to pay attention to that.  We can see each evening that around 50+ people are consistently reading.  We also know that we have been on a significant downward spiral since year 2. In many ways this is a tough pill to swallow.  
2. Being inspirational often happens totally by mistake.
• We have never thought that either one of us was particularly inspirational; however, on occasion someone has let us know that something that we said struck a chord.  Sometimes those comments were really what got us through some really tough stuff.  In many ways writing really makes one very vulnerable.  There is a lot of each of us written in the words, and if inspiration happens, it is mostly by mistake. 
3. Ever heard of WRITER'S BLOCK!
• UFF DA this is tough to work through.  Rah and I have many days that are just not conducive to writing.  Sometimes there are so many roadblocks to the writing process that you just want quit, but the blog needs to be written.  I cannot tell you how DIFFICULT this is!  It IS a real thing and it totally bites when it happens.
4. Sometimes people need to catch up.
• A lot of the time we will notice a surge in numbers and it appears that some folks are catching up on several days when they have time.  This is a busy time of the year, and perhaps adding one more thing to "read" is more of a challenge than one would imagine. I know that I need to be in the right space to write, but I also need to be in the right place to read.  My heart and mind have to be open to hearing the message.  Catching up is okay.
5. Writing creatively is tough!
• Right brain, left brain, no brain!  You just cannot be creative some days no matter how much you try!!!!  This is especially difficult with Rah's school and my work world.  I do a ton of technical writing and she is writing papers for school.  If daily life has knocked us down, this is even worse.  Some blogs we read and just think "well that sucked!"
6. Giving does not just have to take place at Christmas.
• I think that giving at Christmas is wonderful, but I also think it is important for people to find ways to pay if forward all year long.  Bobby Bones called this Pimpin Joy!  It means that you do things for others just because you can.  In the holiday season funds are often limited, but maybe throughout the year it is a tish easier.  Do it when you can and sometimes give when it hurts . . . Rah and I are pretty good at this!  
7. The Norman Rockwell picture of Christmas is really not accurate because we live in a Baby Jesus world.  It is hard to be creative when the world has knocked you on your keaster!
• We expect Christmas to be, look, and feel a certain way, but quite frankly, I wonder where that comes from?  The reality is, Christmas is a pretty rough time of the year as many are struggling amidst the chaos of life.  The hope comes from a child born years ago that brought grace for humankind.  With out faith, hope is seemingly lost.  The truth is that the Baby Jesus world is bleak but filled with love.  When we let God work through us, we bring light into a world that is often pretty dismal and dark.
8. Happy, happy, happy
• To be happy, you have to kind of be in the ZONE!  Rah and I both have to be in the right place, space, and the environment has to be right for the writing world to be a happy one!  Take a piece or two out and there can be an environmental block to the writing process.  Happy is a cool feeling.  We love the things that make us laugh making the blog so much FUN to write for that night.  
9. Tears are okay!   
• Some things in this world make your heart happy and some things in this world make your heart hurt.  We have experienced BOTH!  There have been nights where through the words the tears have seemed to steadily flow.  We have had nights when we were so happy that tears trickled down our cheeks.  We have had nights when life knocked us down and we cried.  And then we have had times when we have cried for seemingly no reason at all, but guess what, tears are OK!
10. Writing a letter to someone that you love is way easier than writing FOR someone. 
• In this moment of time, with where we are at in our lives, this years blog was all that we could handle.  Through that we discovered that it is much easier to write for ourselves than it is to try and be inspirational for others.  Rah is inspirational to me and I believe I am an inspiration to her.  For this year, that was what mattered most.  

Maybe we will pop up during the year for a month and give the holiday blog a rest . . . who knows?

Love and Blessings to All in 2016,

Sheila and Sarah

Day 29 - Christmas Surprises

Dear Rah,

Merry Christmas Eve!!!  It seems kind of weird not to be with you on Christmas Eve, but alas life has changed a bit and our boys are working shift work.  I decided, rather early on, that rather than spending the evening alone having a pity party, I was going to surprise my sister and just show up on her doorstep.  She invited me a couple of weeks ago, and I am not gonna lie, I really didn't even respond one way or another.  I think I probably hurt her feelings or maybe even upset her a bit; however, because Minnesota weather is often a major variable, I did not want to commit until I was 100% sure that I could make it.  When I talked to her on the phone yesterday, I felt as though she was a little distant with me. Grams alluded to the fact that she was disappointed that I hadn't even responded.  I chuckled to myself . . . MWAHHHHHH!

Grams knew that I was coming and she told Paige so she could tell Uncle Paul as he is the cook.  Paige told Mariah this morning so she was finally in the loop.  I talked to you on the phone so you know that I was open to just letting the scene play out and riding the wave. The moment was priceless.  You should have seen the shock on her face!  She started to cry and said, "Ohhhhhhh, you're here!"  I cried too and we just hugged one another!  It was a wonderful Christmas moment!

We have spent the day just visiting, snacking on some treats, and cuddled up in blankets. We played a couple games of JENGA which is always good for a few laughs. Uncle Paul and Auntie made an AMAZING prime rib!  I know that you do not eat meat, but DANG it was good. CJ was here too and he is a hoot!  Remind me to to tell you what Rosie said about Gram's gift!  It is NAUGHTY so I cannot post it in the blog, but it was HILARIOUS.  Then we opened a few gifts.  I LOVE Aveda products!!!!  Grams gave me my Christmas jammies early so I would fit in with the rest of the group. We all put them on and just continued to open gifts.  It was a perfect evening although I do miss my own babies!!!

I know that you are with Pops tonight and I hope you had a wonderful evening too filled with memories and laughter.  BTW . . . one year ago today, it was one month until your wedding day!  I remember thinking that the countdown had begun, and literally as soon as Christmas was over, we hit the ground running preparing for your wedding day to Jesse.  In one month, you will celebrate your first anniversary.  The time goes so quickly Rah!  I miss you today, but am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.  

I love you and Merry Christmas Eve baby girl!
Mom

P.S. Boe and Taylor got engaged today!  My friend Karin and I talked yesterday and she is having an AMAZING Christmas.  This will be the topper on an already perfect Christmas!

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Dear Mama,

Your post made me tear up a bit tonight. I am SOOO happy that you're spending the evening with Auntie and the gang! I love that you chose to surprise Auntie. That is a wonderful Christmas gift. Mariah sent me a snap the second you got there, which put a smile on my face. Then I saw the picture on Facebook, and again, it made me smile. Of course I do miss you too. Christmas Eve has not been the same since you and Dad separated but everyone is doing their best to make it through the holidays the best way that we are able to. Through the moments of togetherness and the moments of solitude, we always make it through. 

I am writing this blog from the den tonight since my laptop is dead and the charger is broken. The second I sat down in this chair it brought me back to my high school days, chatting with Jesse on MSN Messenger until all hours of the night. I remember a number of times you and Dad coming down to tell me that I needed to go to bed, but somehow Jesse and I could never say goodbye. Luckily, we never actually had to as we are now bound together by contract. =) 

Dad and I went to Auntie Linda's early this evening for dinner. It was really nice to spend some time with her. I don't see her enough. We decided to go there around 5:00ish so we could visit alone before dinner at 7:00 when others arrived. We all talked about how this time last year we were crunching to get everything done for the wedding. I can hardly believe a year has (almost) come and gone already. It has been difficult at times, but it has been beautiful. 

After dinner Dad and I came home to open gifts from each other. Jordan, Sam, Jesse and I all bought Dad a motorcycle vest that he really wanted. He'll put his patches on it when he gets them ordered. He LOVED it! He also opened his gifts from Santa Sarah, which was a couple of goodies, a really awesome long sleeve Harley shirt, and a Harley beer glass that came with a bottle opener and a coaster. Santa Sarah knows her family! Dad got me a pair of CrossFit lifters, Reebok capri pants and Reebok shorts. They all fit perfectly. Then he got Jesse and I a two-pack of Sonicare Spin Toothbrushes, and a nice cutlery set. I'm pretty pumped.

When I was on my drive home today, I was listening to a Joe Rogan podcast. Jesse is OBSESSED with Joe Rogan and he has listened to literally every single podcast, which is hundreds, so if I have a long drive I usually turn on a podcast too. They're really interesting and they make the time go by quickly. Today I chose to listen to the podcast with Molly Crabapple, who is an American artist and journalist. I'm not going to go in-depth with the podcast, but there was a portion where Joe Rogan asked her what assignment she's been on that terrified her the most. She said that she was in Syria a few months ago and she had traveled to a city that has been bombed and then bulldozed and was now almost completely flattened. She explained that she was wondering through and taking photographs of what used to be an old house with just a small portion of the house remaining, when she saw that there was an older man still living in there. She said it was absolutely heartbreaking to know there used to be a beautiful city with real houses and now people are basically living in rubble. The only way she could describe the scene was as if it were a scene from Mad Max. I thought to myself that I haven't seen Mad Max before so I couldn't vision what she was referring to. Much to my surprise, when I got to Dad's, I found a brand new DVD of Mad Max in 3D. I told him about that portion of the podcast and then asked if we could watch the movie tonight. Now, that is what we are off to do to wrap up our Christmas together.

I hope you have a great rest of the night at Auntie's and Uncle Paul's. Can't wait to see you tomorrow night. Please give everyone hugs for me! 

Merry Christmas Eve!

Most!

Day 28

Dear Mom,

As you know, my computer cord broke today so I have to write REALLY fast. I only have 7% battery left. Jesse took my computer and charger in to Geek Squad for me and they figured out that the big square part of the charger is what's broke. They said that as long as my computer is less than a year old that Apple warranty would replace the charger. After I called Apple Care, they told me to take it to make computer and charger to the place in the mall and they would get me set up with a replacement. Luckily, Jesse was still in town so he did that for me too. It'll be 7-10 business days before I get the new one so that bites but at least this happened while I'm on break. When I come to your place on Christmas Day, I'll probably borrow your charger to get this baby up to 100% while I wait.

Yesterday was a lot of fun, thank you for coming to spend time with us and for all the gifts! And this morning was nice too. You and Grandma were snuggled in the spare bed and invited me to plop my butt right in the middle. After that, we made some coffee, had toast, and got to chat a bit more before you guys had to take off. I always enjoy having company over, but this morning was especially special! I wish the day could've lasted longer. Let's do it again soon. =) 

Alright I am down to 3% so I'm going to wrap up. I'll have to write from my iPad tomorrow, which is never fun! I had to do that a couple times last year and for whatever reason, Blogger doesn't work well with the iPad. I work tonight from 5:00-close . . . hopefully it'll be busy so I can make some moolah! Then tomorrow early afternoon I'll head home to spend Christmas Eve with Dad, Bigboy and Skittles. It'll be nice to relax! 

I was able to get my kitty pictures uploaded while I was writing so I have to show you a few of the ones I took yesterday. The first one is of Booboo chewing on her gift, the second is when I attempted to put in the Santa hat, and the third is of Grayboy when I was wrapping gifts. He found the ribbon/bow container to be super comfortable. He's naughty but the picture is adorable. I wish I had some of Peanut but he's a chicken butt and wouldn't come out. 

Hope you have a good rest of your day today!! 

Love you most!

Rah

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Dear Rah,

I also really enjoyed last night and it was fun to wake up this morning and crowd into Gram's bed.  We used to do this when we were kids, then you kids would pile in, and now we are all grown up, still doing the same thing!  When I saw her light on this morning, I knew she was up and away I went.

I am really tired tonight.  I did not sleep well the night before last, and last night, well your cat is NAUGHTY!  Grey Boy knocks everything off your counter until the last thing plops to the floor.  Then when nobody gets up, he chases after Snickers.  She screeches and whines!  They are really quite awful.  When I sleep in the spare bedroom, I don't really notice their chaos, but I wanted Grams to have a good nights sleep and we went to bed late.  

I had a tough time getting to sleep last night!  FRENCH PRESS COFFEE IS LIKE A QUADRUPLE SHOT OF EXPRESSO AND I WAS BUZZZZZED!  It is amazing coffee, but better for the morning.  Grams had a tough time sleeping too and I am thinking that just might be the culprit!  UFF!

The roads home today were pretty good until Climax.  I hit black ice at Crookston on the back roads.  It was pretty hairy and I really hate it when you really do not know how bad things are.  Tonight it is snowing again!  REALLY!?????  I thought the only "CHANCE" of snow was yesterday, and weather  person newsflash, yesterday is OVER!  I would really like to be wrong at my job all the time and still get paid!  I guess they really are not God therefore they are just guessing.  The news is on and now there is snow off and on all week!!!!  UFF!!!!!

On the way home I went and saw Sharon Davidson's headstone which just came in and was placed by her grave.  It is very beautiful and fitting for their family.  I cried a bit as I really do miss her.  Last year on Christmas Day, I was riding with Kim and her grandma to visit Sharon.  I never dreamt that day that two days later she would breathe her last breath.  You and Bunky had to come and pick me up so I could get home that day.  I wonder if the two of you know how very much that meant to me as it was totally an inconvenience, and yet, it meant tons to me!

Last Christmas, Sharon was worried about the kid's Christmas gifts.  She had purchased BOSE radios for Keven, Corey, and Kim.  She called me, told me where they were, assigned a color for each of them, and asked me to wrap them, label them, and bring them when I came.  She wanted to see them open those gifts.  It was truly a tender moment.  I need to quit writing as I am in tears.  

Sometimes I wonder why the holidays often bring so much loss for families.  There have been several deaths lately and so many lives will forever be changed.  Last year it seems as though it was the same thing.  I wonder if the stress of this world just gets to be too much.  Uff . . . sigh . . . I just better quit writing . . .

Have fun with Pops tomorrow night. Drive safely and I love you MOST!
Mom

Day 27 - Family Matters

We all can't fit in the picture! Jesse and I got voted off the island :)

Tonight Rah and I are going to write together as we have spent the evening having our family Christmas.  Jesse, Jordan, and Sam all work this year for the holidays so we had to improvise a bit and celebrate a day early.  Grams came down and got to join in the fun with us so the evening was loads of fun!  

The roads were a bit treacherous on the first leg of the journey down here, but eventually, the more I headed west, the better they got.  I have been told; however, that the travels home tomorrow may not be all that great as there have been several inches of snow and then some freezing rain!  I had a couple of last minute things to pick up at the mall and popped in and did that too.  It was actually kind of quiet there which was really nice.  People are really friendly as the holiday seasons are finally winding down.  I am hoping that my "cute" UPS man has been delivering his wares for me as well.   I have some things that I am DEFINITELY waiting for.

We went for supper at "Wurst Bier Hall" which is always AMAZING!  We sampled everything, had a cocktail, and just enjoyed each others company.  There was a lot of laughter, a table filled with food, and loads and loads of love. We had a cute little server, I tipped him well, and wrote a note on his slip.  I hope that on some level it made his night as I am sure being a server this time of the year is not loads of fun.

After supper, we went back to Jordan and Sam's to open gifts.  I got some PIMPIN JOY stuff from the Bobby Bones show and a hatchet!!!!  They laughed at me when I asked for my hatchet, but I had so much fun during hunting season chopping up turnips in the food plot.  I am not kidding, there were turnips the size of my head!!!!!  Because my brother missed not one, not two, but THREE deer, the most fun I had was in the turnip patch.  I plucked those bad boys up and chopped them up for the deer.  It was loads of FUN!

The kiddos and Grams got what they wanted.  There was definitely an exercise theme for Jesse, Rah, and Sam, but the coffee snob wanted some fancy grinder for beans and a new french press.  He did make us some pretty amazing coffee!  He even shared his new favorite, cookies and cream fudge stripes.  I couldn't eat another bite so I left them for him.  

Jordan's cat Ollie does the coolest thing as he is a jumper.  He throws up wrapping paper into the air, and that cat jumps like 4 feet in the air and slaps it like a volleyball!  Kept us all entertained for a spell . . . then he plopped on the floor and crashed!

We are back at Rah's in our pjs so I am going to edit Sarah's cover letter quick and let her finish the blog. 

Today has been a pretty good day for all of us. I spent my morning getting the apartment cleaned up and working on some laundry. Mom would have been MORTIFIED if she would've seen the mess we had going on. Ha! Grandma came here a couple hours before Mom did, which was really nice. Jesse was still sleeping from his overnight shift so Grandma and I spent our time laughing, catching up on life, and watching movies. The two of us don't get very much quality time together so I took in every moment. 

As Mom already mentioned, we ate supper at Wurst Bier Hall. It's always a good choice! After that we went back to Jordan and Sam's to open gifts. Jesse and I only asked for workout related things. I got a really nice Reebok watch that I've had my eye on for a while, along with a sweet new (not your average) Nike bag. Jesse asked for a Rogue t-shirt, lifting belt, and knee supports for CrossFit. He's wanted the belt and knee supports for quite a while but hasn't wanted to spend the money on them so he's pretty excited. Mom also got the two of us an "our first Christmas" Precious Moments ornament, Jordan and Sam gave us a gift card to Rhombus Pizza (YUM!) and Grandma gave the two of us $100. We'll probably put the money towards our little anniversary shindig, although we're not totally sure what we're going to do yet.

Overall, the evening has been really enjoyable and fairly relaxing. There's not much better than spending time with loved ones. It is a little saddening that we won't all get to be together on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day but we do the best we can with the time we're given. Jesse and I will still have the opportunity to spend the night with mom on Christmas so we're looking forward to that. Mom found herself a new kitty by the dumpster and I cannot hardly wait to meet the little fluffball! It's going to be a busy few days but busy is okay in my book as long as I'm with family. 

Peace and blessings to everyone who may be reading!

Sarah and Sheila 

Day 26

Dear Mom,

I have sat down to try and write this post at least five times in the last hour but every time I pick up the computer, Grayboy starts pawing through all of my shopping bags causing all sorts of ruckus. So then I stomp over there and scare him away but a few seconds later, he's on the counter knocking things off. Uff, he is the devil cat. He's probably just starting his revenge for what I did to him a little while ago. Haha, ho ho ho!! 

Today was a long day of shopping for me. I was up and at it by around 10:30 and I didn't make it back home until 7:00. Crowds really weren't too terrible until everyone started getting off work this afternoon. I was dumb and saved target for one of my last stops. I literally walked in, told myself I didn't need anything from Target anyway, and then I walked back out. I got almost everything I needed with a couple of exceptions that I'll pick up on Wednesday before I head home on Thursday. It was kind of fun to spend the day alone buying gifts for other people. Rikki is at a super fun age right now too so when I was in ToysRus I just wanted to buy her everything. And then I wanted to buy myself the same things because they are awesome! 

I'm really excited for you and Grandma to come visit Jordan, Sam, Jesse and I tomorrow. Jesse told me a little while ago that he's supposed to have a training tomorrow night from 6:00-8:00pm. I definitely lost my marbles a little bit. I had no idea there was a training, and the whole point of you and Grandma coming tomorrow is so all of us can be together. Luckily, Jesse talked to his people and he was able to get in on the morning session instead. Whew! He's working tonight from 7:00pm to 7:00am tomorrow and then the training is from 8:00-10:00am so he'll have a long night but he'll get to sleep for a while when he gets home. 

Being a law enforcement wife can be really exhausting. Holidays are not easy to spend alone so when there was a chance that I was going to have to be without Jesse tomorrow (and it's not even Christmas yet) I was pretty bummed. Thankfully that all worked out for the best. Most times it doesn't. Jesse is back on night shifts now too. Tonight is his first one. I think he officially decided that he prefers the night shift. I prefer it for it too for everything other than having to sleep alone 3-5 nights a week. I like to think I am a little better prepared than most for the law enforcement wifely duties thanks to growing up with you and Dad while he was a trooper . . . I learned a lot from you guys. But just because I've known that some of these tough moments would be happening, doesn't make them any less difficult when the moment is actually here. My hope is that I'll adjust better as time goes on, or maybe just get a little stronger. Until then I hope you're prepared for my late night calls to ease my worries. 

Alright, now that I have finally gotten Grayboy to go to sleep, Booboo decided she needed to sleep too. Look how cute she is right now while I'm writing! Gahhh I love her. But now I must go clean, our apartment is still a total mess! Let me know when you're on our way tomorrow. 

Love you!

Rah and Booboo

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Good Evening Mrs. Rah,

I think that you forgot to share a couple of things today, hence as a proud mama I am going to share them for you.  First, I am happy for you Mrs. 4.0!!!!  I think that it is pretty incredible with as much as you struggle to get writing, with the way you procrastinate, and with the stress that you sometimes cause me, that you doubt your abilities to NAIL IT!  I am so PROUD of you baby girl!  Graduate school is BRUTAL and not a whole lot of fun most of the time.  Whereas undergrad is tough, it is like instructors take it to a whole other level and many struggle to make it through.  Good job on carrying your 4.0 into the last two semesters of school.  You've GOT THIS!

I cannot believe how fast Christmas has creeped up this year!!  I have never, ever been as far behind as I am this year.  It seems as though I am hurrying and scurrying to try and finish every last minute thing!  I hit the send button a couple of times last night and now am hoping that those things also make it.  I made a dash trip to Grand Forks to finish up, and I am proud to say that I have finally completed everything!  Well, pretty sure.  I just remembered a couple of minor things that I would like to do IF I can find the time.

I feel your pain on the law enforcement wife.  I am not gonna lie Rah, it is a tough path!!!  I know that you know this as you lived it growing up.  Do you remember all of the holidays that we all went alone and dad either met us or couldn't make it at all?  Do you remember all of the times we thought he would be there and then he got a call and couldn't make it home?  Do you remember all of the trainings, and inservice trips, missed events, and things where pops was MIA?  You probably don't remember because I did the best that I could to make things some sort of normal amidst the variables of being the wife of a state trooper.  It is NEVER going to be an easy path, and guess what, you and Sam are both on this same journey.

This is the first Christmas that we will not all be together.  I hate it!  I love sharing Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with you kiddos.  I love going to church together (I will go alone). I love having you all in my house where we can laugh, have a little wine, some snacks, and just enjoy one another.  I love getting up in the morning and sitting in our PJ's and blankets while we open gifts from Santa.  BUT that will not be our reality this year, and to be totally truthful, I hate it!  However, I am incredibly proud of Bunky and Jesse.  I am proud of Sam who will also be working.  And I am totally proud of you too!  What matters most is not the day we spend together, it is simply that we are together!

I am so looking forward to tomorrow night with you kiddos and Grams!  She is super excited too.  We will share some food at Wurst Beer Hall, open some gifts, and there will be memories made.  THAT is what matters.  So whereas there are some things that may not ever be the same, and there are sacrifices that we make for those that have chosen jobs that require "shift" work,  we are still blessed that we have one another.  One thing that I have learned over the years is that life is short Rah.  You never know when this will be your last moment so you have to make the most of the ones that we have.  God blessed us with each other . . . THAT is all that matters.

Most,

Mom